If You Think You’re Too Small to Change Anything Try Sleeping with a Mosquito

This post is not going to be about the beauty of the Afghan mountains, deserts and green valleys. Not even about the war, terrorism, elections or the complexities of Afghan politics. I am not even going to write about women’s rights, religion, fashion or economy. Nothing like that. This post is serving purely as my personal therapy because I just spent what was probably the worst night of my life.

In Afghanistan, good, deep sleep does not come easily. Some of the reasons why are purely technical in nature. The bed is somehow only 1,80m long and has “beautiful” iron bars at the head and toes. Stretching then necessarily ends up with a loud bang as the skull tests the quality of the iron or with my feet stuck between the bars. Secondly its now too cold to sleep just wrapped in a single sheet but too hot to cover up with the standard issue heavy blanket which has beautiful colours and is all made (in China) of some incredibly unpleasant and heavy plastic. Secondly, and more importantly, is the actual state of mind. You don’t really want to sleep deeply – if you can avoid it. There are some useful habits that you try to follow. Placing the clothes in such a way that you can enter them within seconds, the phone, passport, escape money, glasses, flashlight right next to them. It’s a simple fact that the faster you can run away the greater your security. Although I do not know the details I am sure that the survivors of last week’s attack on a UN guesthouse in Kabul would confirm that. Sound sleep just compromises your ability to be fast.

On the other hand, sometimes you are just too tired and fall into a nice, refreshing deep sleep. It happens to me – “luckily”. Like last week. I went to bed before midnight and fell unconscious almost immediately. I had a dream about a sea, me on a boat, the sky blue, the boat rocking lightly. Then somehow I was on a train and it was rocking and shaking a lot more, but still pleasantly. Suddenly I opened my eyes, the windows were rattling, things falling from the shelf. I had no idea what was going on. My brain, slower than usual, was analyzing the situation at the speed of a crippled, old, arthritic turtle. Analysis goes like this:
“What the hell?”
“A rocket attack?”
“No there would be a lot louder bang plus some light.”
“An ambush?”
“No I cannot hear any shooting?”
“Grenades?”
“No again there would have to be more noise plus flashes of light.”
“So what? It’s still shaking.”
“An earthquake. Bingo. Thanks God it’s just an earthquake.”
“Wait. An EARTHQUAKE. You’ve seen their buildings. Get the hell out of here.”

Of course I was the last one to get out of the building. Actually arriving after the Afghans, used to this, went back to bed. Among some laughter I realized that although the earthquake lasted for almost a minute I was only awakened by the last, strongest tremor. Deep sleep might not be so healthy after all.

But last night was the worst. I was mercilessly attacked and the siege lasted until the morning. I am not an entomologist but I am sure that in Afghanistan they have a special, particularly vicious type of mosquitoes. Probably Al Qaida trained, financed by western addicts and renegade individuals and under Taliban control. And they are all suicide attackers. And they use psychological war and cause paranoia. I could not hide. The high pitched buzzing sound was just above my ears all night. I tried beating my face as the sound stopped assuming the villain has landed on me, covering under the plastic blanket until I could not breathe anymore. I even prepared an ambush lighting a piece of wall with my flashlight. These new LED flashlight are totally useless, they generate too little heat, so I placed my naked hand into the light as a bait. Not a single one of them went for it, they were happily buzzing above my ear. I lost terribly. They ate me alive.

I still have to find out how they got into the room. It’s well protected by nets on windows. The doors are closed at all times. Yes and I have to place an insect repellent next to my escape pack. But I know for sure that one of my favorite quotes is right. If you think you are too small to change anything try sleeping with a mosquito.